Woke up to Felix's and Kayleen's cries in the wee hours of the morning. Yen was already beside them when I went into their room but to no avail. I took over to give her a rest since she needed to work today. Both children were visibly tired and still sleepy. Felix was easier to put back to sleep while Kayleen drifted in and out of sleep for some time still.
Kayleen continued to hug my right thigh (it was closer to her). That seemed to help as she slowly fell asleep. I continued to pat her while trying to remove my leg from her grasp but that proved fruitless - it caused her to stir a few times, only to return to grip my thigh tighter the next time. While soothing Kayleen into dreamland, I suddenly had the strong urge to write a poem; to try put some events onto paper. Finally did so this morning when I had some time alone. So here it goes:
HOW MUCH LONGER WILL IT BE?
How much longer will it be
That you call for no one else but me?
In the deep of the night you weep
With tears streaming down your cheeks
How much longer will it be
That you cling on to my legs tightly?
When I try to turn and leave
Your arms hold me, so instinctively
How much longer will it be
You jump up and down excitedly?
"That's my Daddy!" you announce with glee
To all your friends oh so proudly
How much longer will it be
That you listen attentively?
To my reasoning and teaching
Especially so to fun stories
Deep down, I know, it won't be long
A matter of time you're on your own
But this voice from me you'll hear strong
That "Daddy is here, no matter how long"
Ryan, 29 Nov 11
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Disciplining children
Parents take on roles of an 'angel' and a 'devil' when it comes to disciplining their children. Fathers, almost always, take on the latter. Perhaps it is stereo-typing; perhaps it is so as we are the 'stronger' of the two; perhaps mothers are just too loving and cannot to admonish or punish them.
It is no different when it comes to our family. I am the disciplinarian to our children. Their father is the one that gives them the 'look' that they have done something disapproving. An advocate to the old adage 'Spare the rod and spoil the child', I harden my heart when I need to give them a spanking.
Spanking came a little quicker in the past. When I was still working in a school, I had little rest; no thanks to my waking up at unearthly hours to mark my students' work. That meant that I woke up at three and felt tired as early as seven or eight at night, almost straight after dinner. When my own precious trio threw tantrums, I would get so frustrated when I tended to them and my hand shot out almost instinctively in a bid to resolve things. I knew, deep down, that it was not right and definitely unfair to them. That was one of the contributing factors to my leaving my job then. But that is another story.
I have read and enlightened that scolding or hitting should not happen in anger. That could just mean that children suffer a beating without knowing why they were subject to such treatment, or worse, that the person who dealt the beating might have been so angry that the hitting would be harder than intended, leading to an unfortunate injury.
Rather, we should decided what actions by our tots deserve such a punishment. We should also always explain to our children where they had done wrong and what options could have been taken. Hitting does not mean hurting the child bad. It could be a hard enough spank on the palm. Sure, my children cry after they had received spanks on their palms - not because it hurt them bad physically, but also because they understand that they have erred and it struck them in the heart.
So the next time should you decide to hit your children, count to ten and think if you might do something that you might regret later...
It is no different when it comes to our family. I am the disciplinarian to our children. Their father is the one that gives them the 'look' that they have done something disapproving. An advocate to the old adage 'Spare the rod and spoil the child', I harden my heart when I need to give them a spanking.
Spanking came a little quicker in the past. When I was still working in a school, I had little rest; no thanks to my waking up at unearthly hours to mark my students' work. That meant that I woke up at three and felt tired as early as seven or eight at night, almost straight after dinner. When my own precious trio threw tantrums, I would get so frustrated when I tended to them and my hand shot out almost instinctively in a bid to resolve things. I knew, deep down, that it was not right and definitely unfair to them. That was one of the contributing factors to my leaving my job then. But that is another story.
I have read and enlightened that scolding or hitting should not happen in anger. That could just mean that children suffer a beating without knowing why they were subject to such treatment, or worse, that the person who dealt the beating might have been so angry that the hitting would be harder than intended, leading to an unfortunate injury.
Rather, we should decided what actions by our tots deserve such a punishment. We should also always explain to our children where they had done wrong and what options could have been taken. Hitting does not mean hurting the child bad. It could be a hard enough spank on the palm. Sure, my children cry after they had received spanks on their palms - not because it hurt them bad physically, but also because they understand that they have erred and it struck them in the heart.
So the next time should you decide to hit your children, count to ten and think if you might do something that you might regret later...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
What can I do with my children?
I have always believed in spending time with our children meaningfully. That is one of the chief reasons why I had left my previous job. What can we, as parents, do with them then? Tons of things! Though our energy levels are dipping with the gradual scaling of our ages, we can pick things that require us less energy to do with our little tots.
One of those that I tried over the past few days was drawing. Now, I am not much of an artist myself, to begin with. But we can have fun drawing, I thought. Our children (especially Rachel) had been drawing in play-school. Our elder girl has been expressing herself rather well with pictures but our boy seemed to be having some trouble with pictures.
I had picked up this book on 'Cartoon drawing for kids' earlier and bought it for spending time together with our jewels. That night, I took out a drawing block and got the elder two to sit with me. Kayleen, unfortunately, is a little too young for such an activity and this will have to be redone with her later.
I told Rachel and Felix that we were learning how to draw. I showed them how to imitate drawings we selected from the book and talked them through, step-by-step, to getting the drawings done. The first one was of a hippopotamus.
The duo enjoyed the whole process and we moved on to two other pictures - one of a man and another of a lion. At the end of it, they were told how nicely they have done and how cute the pictures were. They, too, were happy with their drawings. Rachel said that she remembered how to draw the 'hippo' and would bring this new found knowledge to play-school the next day. We totally enjoyed this short activity we had together.
Their drawings might have been much improvised from the ones in the book, but we spent time together and I gave them an idea of how drawings can go. In my eyes, their little pictures are the most adorable ones my children had proudly produced that night.
One of those that I tried over the past few days was drawing. Now, I am not much of an artist myself, to begin with. But we can have fun drawing, I thought. Our children (especially Rachel) had been drawing in play-school. Our elder girl has been expressing herself rather well with pictures but our boy seemed to be having some trouble with pictures.
I had picked up this book on 'Cartoon drawing for kids' earlier and bought it for spending time together with our jewels. That night, I took out a drawing block and got the elder two to sit with me. Kayleen, unfortunately, is a little too young for such an activity and this will have to be redone with her later.
I told Rachel and Felix that we were learning how to draw. I showed them how to imitate drawings we selected from the book and talked them through, step-by-step, to getting the drawings done. The first one was of a hippopotamus.
 |
| Rachel is taking an example of the book's and my drawing |
The duo enjoyed the whole process and we moved on to two other pictures - one of a man and another of a lion. At the end of it, they were told how nicely they have done and how cute the pictures were. They, too, were happy with their drawings. Rachel said that she remembered how to draw the 'hippo' and would bring this new found knowledge to play-school the next day. We totally enjoyed this short activity we had together.
 |
| Daddy's impression of the old man |
 |
| Felix points to his impression of the same picture |
 |
| Rachel's drawing of a hippopotamus and Felix's lion |
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Stickers, stickers, everywhere!
Have parents of young children fumed over having stickers pasted all over the place? Most children love colourful stickers of their favourite cartoon characters. Like bees to honey, children of the early ages get attracted to stickers so much that they would not want to let go of these tiny pieces of paper.
Like most parents, I do not want stickers of Pokemon or Mickey Mouse intrude my nicely furnished home. They can stay in the television sets just fine. I refrain from giving my children stickers. I learnt previously from a colleague that we cannot blame children from misusing the gifts we have given them. I mean - how can you punish a child for colouring the textbooks with nice new markers, a Children's Day gift from their beloved teacher?
I know swords never stay in their shelths forever. My trio will be exposed to the wonder of stickers being pasted to things sooner or later. By then, stickers will climb up my walls and furniture, and stake a place in the house until I forcefully remove them.
I always believe education is the key to good behaviour. That is why I had inculcated in my children "Stickers belong to books, not on the walls, nor furniture". My elder two seemed to have learnt well and I was quite glad this had worked. Recently, however, I discovered that I have underestimated Kayleen's innocence before...
"Argh! Why is Stitch here," I enquired in dismay, "and these stars?"
"Kayleen put it there," offered Rachel.
Kayleen gawked at me with big, round eyes. How could I punish her then? She probably had not understood my words! I had to find a solution before it was too late. Rather than stopping their action, their avenue of expressing themselves and perhaps, unleashing their creativity, why don't I let them do so in an appropriate place?
I got them a nice note book/pad. "You may use this as your sticker book," I instructed our trio. Without waiting, they took over the book and started sticking the stickers on its pages.
They were happy that night, crowding around the book sticking stickers.
Give the children an avenue to express themselves. Educate them the rights and the wrongs. Stopping them doing what they like to do may work momentarily, but may not help them understand why they should not do so, and how they can get certain things done.
Like most parents, I do not want stickers of Pokemon or Mickey Mouse intrude my nicely furnished home. They can stay in the television sets just fine. I refrain from giving my children stickers. I learnt previously from a colleague that we cannot blame children from misusing the gifts we have given them. I mean - how can you punish a child for colouring the textbooks with nice new markers, a Children's Day gift from their beloved teacher?
I know swords never stay in their shelths forever. My trio will be exposed to the wonder of stickers being pasted to things sooner or later. By then, stickers will climb up my walls and furniture, and stake a place in the house until I forcefully remove them.
I always believe education is the key to good behaviour. That is why I had inculcated in my children "Stickers belong to books, not on the walls, nor furniture". My elder two seemed to have learnt well and I was quite glad this had worked. Recently, however, I discovered that I have underestimated Kayleen's innocence before...
"Argh! Why is Stitch here," I enquired in dismay, "and these stars?"
"Kayleen put it there," offered Rachel.
Kayleen gawked at me with big, round eyes. How could I punish her then? She probably had not understood my words! I had to find a solution before it was too late. Rather than stopping their action, their avenue of expressing themselves and perhaps, unleashing their creativity, why don't I let them do so in an appropriate place?
I got them a nice note book/pad. "You may use this as your sticker book," I instructed our trio. Without waiting, they took over the book and started sticking the stickers on its pages.
They were happy that night, crowding around the book sticking stickers.
Give the children an avenue to express themselves. Educate them the rights and the wrongs. Stopping them doing what they like to do may work momentarily, but may not help them understand why they should not do so, and how they can get certain things done.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Is this the best for them?
I think I thoroughly understand parents of my students now, when they receive telephone calls from their child's school. Nine times out of ten, their child would have erred in some way. The remaining time would be a toss up between the child falling ill or injuring him or herself. I cannot 'escape' from my children's teachers when I fetch them from play-school almost daily and had an interesting discussion with Felix's teacher recently...
"Felix is getting my reassurance for almost every single detail in his work in Art. I don't expect that of him," she began. Felix's teacher explained that Felix is considered 'ahead' of children in his class in his learning and one of the few who could be left alone in his work after the initial instructions are given. The teacher can then concentrate on his classmates who do not comprehend her or are unable to accomplish their work as they need help in reading or writing. This is the second time that she had let me in, that Felix had been running to her to ask the simpliest of questions (e.g. "Can I draw a cat?", "Which colour should I use?", etc.) and staring blankly after getting back to his seat.
The first time we spoke about this a couple of months ago, she had felt that the Art enrichment lesson Felix is attending on Sunday, whereby he does only painting with a teacher's instruction and much help in touching up, is not beneficial in his creativity and cognition. I had felt that way earlier but had allowed him to carry on with Yen's reasoning, that the lesson kept Felix occupied while Rachel is having ballet. Moreover, Felix enjoys the lessons too.
Following my initial conversation with Felix's teacher, the Art lesson taught Felix more things apart from painting - they involved him in making imprints of things of different textures too. At that time, Yen told me that she had just paid up a few month's fees upfront and I left it at that.
Another conspiracy theory would be that Felix was trying to get the teacher's attention. He might have noticed how his classmates had got teachers' attention when they did not know how things were done, and he clamoured for attention too. Or perhaps he was 'pushing his luck' to see how much he could get away with.
I had reflected to Felix's teacher that he was not displaying that kind of behaviour at home. I was waiting for her to give me some suggestions at what she felt I could try out. But perhaps I was too hopeful. She went on during that discussion, stating that Felix was top in his class for reading (my teaching and the phonics lesson he attends had helped) and word recognition. However, when his classmates go to him to ask him if he knew how to spell a word that he had spelt correctly in front of the class for the teacher previously, Felix would shy away and say that he forgot. The teacher was not sure if he was trying his best, or was he being pressurised not to be 'smarty-pants' in front of his friends, to avoid being shunned by them?
You see, Felix is good at reading and remembering words in the English language. When I teach Rachel and Felix together, Felix is almost always the quicker one to get the spelling of words, and he would remember them better. Rachel, on the other hand, is much stronger in numbers. Felix has developed this keen interest in reading, although I am not very sure he comprehends what he reads.
Felix's teacher continued to say that not all parents of the children in her class spend as much time teaching early reading to their own children. Tired from the day's work, parents were probably leaving this job to the children's teachers. She also explained that my children could feel that they knew all that their teacher was teaching in play-school, resulting in them not paying attention in class later. The discussion we had brought no conclusion, but left some questions in my head.
Am I wrong in teaching my children what they could know? Am I pushing them too hard?? I have my own brand of thinking. The discussion with Felix's teacher left me some reason to examine what I had believed was the best for my children again...
"Felix is getting my reassurance for almost every single detail in his work in Art. I don't expect that of him," she began. Felix's teacher explained that Felix is considered 'ahead' of children in his class in his learning and one of the few who could be left alone in his work after the initial instructions are given. The teacher can then concentrate on his classmates who do not comprehend her or are unable to accomplish their work as they need help in reading or writing. This is the second time that she had let me in, that Felix had been running to her to ask the simpliest of questions (e.g. "Can I draw a cat?", "Which colour should I use?", etc.) and staring blankly after getting back to his seat.
The first time we spoke about this a couple of months ago, she had felt that the Art enrichment lesson Felix is attending on Sunday, whereby he does only painting with a teacher's instruction and much help in touching up, is not beneficial in his creativity and cognition. I had felt that way earlier but had allowed him to carry on with Yen's reasoning, that the lesson kept Felix occupied while Rachel is having ballet. Moreover, Felix enjoys the lessons too.
Following my initial conversation with Felix's teacher, the Art lesson taught Felix more things apart from painting - they involved him in making imprints of things of different textures too. At that time, Yen told me that she had just paid up a few month's fees upfront and I left it at that.
Another conspiracy theory would be that Felix was trying to get the teacher's attention. He might have noticed how his classmates had got teachers' attention when they did not know how things were done, and he clamoured for attention too. Or perhaps he was 'pushing his luck' to see how much he could get away with.
I had reflected to Felix's teacher that he was not displaying that kind of behaviour at home. I was waiting for her to give me some suggestions at what she felt I could try out. But perhaps I was too hopeful. She went on during that discussion, stating that Felix was top in his class for reading (my teaching and the phonics lesson he attends had helped) and word recognition. However, when his classmates go to him to ask him if he knew how to spell a word that he had spelt correctly in front of the class for the teacher previously, Felix would shy away and say that he forgot. The teacher was not sure if he was trying his best, or was he being pressurised not to be 'smarty-pants' in front of his friends, to avoid being shunned by them?
You see, Felix is good at reading and remembering words in the English language. When I teach Rachel and Felix together, Felix is almost always the quicker one to get the spelling of words, and he would remember them better. Rachel, on the other hand, is much stronger in numbers. Felix has developed this keen interest in reading, although I am not very sure he comprehends what he reads.
Felix's teacher continued to say that not all parents of the children in her class spend as much time teaching early reading to their own children. Tired from the day's work, parents were probably leaving this job to the children's teachers. She also explained that my children could feel that they knew all that their teacher was teaching in play-school, resulting in them not paying attention in class later. The discussion we had brought no conclusion, but left some questions in my head.
Am I wrong in teaching my children what they could know? Am I pushing them too hard?? I have my own brand of thinking. The discussion with Felix's teacher left me some reason to examine what I had believed was the best for my children again...
Friday, October 14, 2011
Falling ill
I returned home from my almost-daily trip to Singapore General Hospital to send Yen to work and our children to their play-school - The Little Skool House on Tuesday to find Rachel pale and shivering. You see, she was ill on Monday night, running a temperature. My mother was beside her, getting her to go under the blanket.
I took over and got her to her room for a rest under covers. When she got better, I took her into the bathtub for a dip in the water in an attempt to lower her temperature. It was then that I found her a tad too long for the bath tub - I could hardly fit her in! (When was the last time she used the bath tub? When she was three?) Colour returned to her cheeks and soon, she was her normal, chattering self.
She got better that day but her temperature fluctuated that night and she could not return to school the next day. As always, she seemed to get better miraculously when I was around and was able to learn some things together with me. (Perhaps I scare the illness away when I'm by her side?!)
When will our children stop falling ill? Just before Rachel fell sick, it was Kayleen over the weekend. She, too, succumbed to fever and could not join her siblings on their ritual Saturday and Sunday extra lessons.
The second night, Yen deemed her fit for school. Unfortunately, Felix decided to try out what it was like at home with Daddy. Sigh. Another couple of days away from my marking at home! Then again, I took on my current job as a tuition teacher so that I can respond to emergencies like these for the children. So, no complains.
Felix took on the same pattern - he was well when I was with him at home. However, his illness wuld take a dive during the night. He somehow got better in the morning on Friday so that we could go to National Eye Centre for his routine checkup on his eyes. No problem there. We even got to the Academy of Rock in Holland Village as I had promised him to try for a second time if he could begin taking drum lessons.
This year has not been a good year for our children in terms of health. They have contracted the chickenpox earlier and have had their fair share of fevers, coughs and colds. I just keep my fingers crossed that the dreaded HFMD will not want to knock on our doors again, Our precious trio have suffered enough this year, at least!
I took over and got her to her room for a rest under covers. When she got better, I took her into the bathtub for a dip in the water in an attempt to lower her temperature. It was then that I found her a tad too long for the bath tub - I could hardly fit her in! (When was the last time she used the bath tub? When she was three?) Colour returned to her cheeks and soon, she was her normal, chattering self.
She got better that day but her temperature fluctuated that night and she could not return to school the next day. As always, she seemed to get better miraculously when I was around and was able to learn some things together with me. (Perhaps I scare the illness away when I'm by her side?!)
When will our children stop falling ill? Just before Rachel fell sick, it was Kayleen over the weekend. She, too, succumbed to fever and could not join her siblings on their ritual Saturday and Sunday extra lessons.
The second night, Yen deemed her fit for school. Unfortunately, Felix decided to try out what it was like at home with Daddy. Sigh. Another couple of days away from my marking at home! Then again, I took on my current job as a tuition teacher so that I can respond to emergencies like these for the children. So, no complains.
Felix took on the same pattern - he was well when I was with him at home. However, his illness wuld take a dive during the night. He somehow got better in the morning on Friday so that we could go to National Eye Centre for his routine checkup on his eyes. No problem there. We even got to the Academy of Rock in Holland Village as I had promised him to try for a second time if he could begin taking drum lessons.
This year has not been a good year for our children in terms of health. They have contracted the chickenpox earlier and have had their fair share of fevers, coughs and colds. I just keep my fingers crossed that the dreaded HFMD will not want to knock on our doors again, Our precious trio have suffered enough this year, at least!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Parenthood - A job that we cannot refuse
Browsing through the many photographs friends had posted on Facebook brought wide smiles on my face. They all had one thing in common - the photographs in question were taken of their children, with or without my friends in them. I stumbled on one of this friend who had almost taken his own life earlier due to some personal problems. How life would have been different for this friend if he had succeeded at taking his own life? Is he be looking at his child now, thinking how lucky he is to be still alive, watching his child grow?
Everytime I think about our precious children, I thank the Lord that He has given them to us. I had got married with Yen and decided to assume the role of parents early in our marriage. We are now blessed with three healthy children. However, life is not a bed of roses. We have our share of woes and heartaches with our trio. They are imperfect. Far from it, to be exact:
Rachel has yet to understand that as the eldest child in our family, she has responsibilities. She would whine about aches (real or imaginary?) almost every morning while having breakfast on the way to play-school in the morning and still thinks of herself first in many scenarios.
Felix is still maturing, and his tantrums belie his physical age. He wants to be the first to enter the lift so that he can take the reins and press the lift buttons inside. He cries, almost uncontrollably, at every little problem or pain that stands in his way.
Kayleen is still undergoing his terrible-twos (will it ever end??). This little belle wants everything her way: Her siblings cannot sing-along to songs that she sings to (they 'copy' her), eat things that she wants, and frowns at every tiny thing that is against her wishes.
We are not born to be parents, too. I am still learning as I go along. However, unlike other jobs that I have (or have had), this is not one that I can (or will) shirk. I cannot call it quits. I cannot call for time out and take leave. These jewels we have are ours, our responsibility. We brought them into this world, and we jolly well make sure that we teach them as much as we know and provide the best that we can for. In fact, I will be extremely glad if they outdo this 'nobody' of a father!
I need not leave behind any legacy in work. I dare not think about leaving behind millions of dollars to help them sail through life in a world of luxury. But I know I will try my best to ingrain and instil in them good values so that they will grow up and be good, responsible people they ought to be and live lives where they leave nothing to regret about... =)
Everytime I think about our precious children, I thank the Lord that He has given them to us. I had got married with Yen and decided to assume the role of parents early in our marriage. We are now blessed with three healthy children. However, life is not a bed of roses. We have our share of woes and heartaches with our trio. They are imperfect. Far from it, to be exact:
Rachel has yet to understand that as the eldest child in our family, she has responsibilities. She would whine about aches (real or imaginary?) almost every morning while having breakfast on the way to play-school in the morning and still thinks of herself first in many scenarios.
Felix is still maturing, and his tantrums belie his physical age. He wants to be the first to enter the lift so that he can take the reins and press the lift buttons inside. He cries, almost uncontrollably, at every little problem or pain that stands in his way.
Kayleen is still undergoing his terrible-twos (will it ever end??). This little belle wants everything her way: Her siblings cannot sing-along to songs that she sings to (they 'copy' her), eat things that she wants, and frowns at every tiny thing that is against her wishes.
We are not born to be parents, too. I am still learning as I go along. However, unlike other jobs that I have (or have had), this is not one that I can (or will) shirk. I cannot call it quits. I cannot call for time out and take leave. These jewels we have are ours, our responsibility. We brought them into this world, and we jolly well make sure that we teach them as much as we know and provide the best that we can for. In fact, I will be extremely glad if they outdo this 'nobody' of a father!
I need not leave behind any legacy in work. I dare not think about leaving behind millions of dollars to help them sail through life in a world of luxury. But I know I will try my best to ingrain and instil in them good values so that they will grow up and be good, responsible people they ought to be and live lives where they leave nothing to regret about... =)
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