Stickers, stickers, everywhere!

Have parents of young children fumed over having stickers pasted all over the place?  Most children love colourful stickers of their favourite cartoon characters.  Like bees to honey, children of the early ages get attracted to stickers so much that they would not want to let go of these tiny pieces of paper.

Like most parents, I do not want stickers of Pokemon or Mickey Mouse intrude my nicely furnished home.  They can stay in the television sets just fine.  I refrain from giving my children stickers.  I learnt previously from a colleague that we cannot blame children from misusing the gifts we have given them.  I mean - how can you punish a child for colouring the textbooks with nice new markers, a Children's Day gift from their beloved teacher?

I know swords never stay in their shelths forever.  My trio will be exposed to the wonder of stickers being pasted to things sooner or later.  By then, stickers will climb up my walls and furniture, and stake a place in the house until I forcefully remove them.

I always believe education is the key to good behaviour.  That is why I had inculcated in my children "Stickers belong to books, not on the walls, nor furniture".  My elder two seemed to have learnt well and I was quite glad this had worked.  Recently, however, I discovered that I have underestimated Kayleen's innocence before...

"Argh!  Why is Stitch here," I enquired in dismay, "and these stars?"

"Kayleen put it there," offered Rachel.

Kayleen gawked at me with big, round eyes.  How could I punish her then?  She probably had not understood my words!  I had to find a solution before it was too late.  Rather than stopping their action, their avenue of expressing themselves and perhaps, unleashing their creativity, why don't I let them do so in an appropriate place?

I got them a nice note book/pad.  "You may use this as your sticker book," I instructed our trio.  Without waiting, they took over the book and started sticking the stickers on its pages.

They were happy that night, crowding around the book sticking stickers.

Give the children an avenue to express themselves.  Educate them the rights and the wrongs.  Stopping them doing what they like to do may work momentarily, but may not help them understand why they should not do so, and how they can get certain things done.

Is this the best for them?

I think I thoroughly understand parents of my students now, when they receive telephone calls from their child's school.  Nine times out of ten, their child would have erred in some way.  The remaining time would be a toss up between the child falling ill or injuring him or herself.  I cannot 'escape' from my children's teachers when I fetch them from play-school almost daily and had an interesting discussion with Felix's teacher recently...

"Felix is getting my reassurance for almost every single detail in his work in Art.  I don't expect that of him," she began.  Felix's teacher explained that Felix is considered 'ahead' of children in his class in his learning and one of the few who could be left alone in his work after the initial instructions are given.  The teacher can then concentrate on his classmates who do not comprehend her or are unable to accomplish their work as they need help in reading or writing.  This is the second time that she had let me in, that Felix had been running to her to ask the simpliest of questions (e.g. "Can I draw a cat?", "Which colour should I use?", etc.) and staring blankly after getting back to his seat.

The first time we spoke about this a couple of months ago, she had felt that the Art enrichment lesson Felix is attending on Sunday, whereby he does only painting with a teacher's instruction and much help in touching up, is not beneficial in his creativity and cognition.  I had felt that way earlier but had allowed him to carry on with Yen's reasoning, that the lesson kept Felix occupied while Rachel is having ballet.  Moreover, Felix enjoys the lessons too.

Following my initial conversation with Felix's teacher, the Art lesson taught Felix more things apart from painting - they involved him in making imprints of things of different textures too.  At that time, Yen told me that she had just paid up a few month's fees upfront and I left it at that.

Another conspiracy theory would be that Felix was trying to get the teacher's attention.  He might have noticed how his classmates had got teachers' attention when they did not know how things were done, and he clamoured for attention too.  Or perhaps he was 'pushing his luck' to see how much he could get away with.

I had reflected to Felix's teacher that he was not displaying that kind of behaviour at home.  I was waiting for her to give me some suggestions at what she felt I could try out.  But perhaps I was too hopeful.  She went on during that discussion, stating that Felix was top in his class for reading (my teaching and the phonics lesson he attends had helped) and word recognition.  However, when his classmates go to him to ask him if he knew how to spell a word that he had spelt correctly in front of the class for the teacher previously, Felix would shy away and say that he forgot.  The teacher was not sure if he was trying his best, or was he being pressurised not to be 'smarty-pants' in front of his friends, to avoid being shunned by them?

You see, Felix is good at reading and remembering words in the English language.  When I teach Rachel and Felix together, Felix is almost always the quicker one to get the spelling of words, and he would remember them better.  Rachel, on the other hand, is much stronger in numbers.  Felix has developed this keen interest in reading, although I am not very sure he comprehends what he reads.

Felix's teacher continued to say that not all parents of the children in her class spend as much time teaching early reading to their own children.  Tired from the day's work, parents were probably leaving this job to the children's teachers.  She also explained that my children could feel that they knew all that their teacher was teaching in play-school, resulting in them not paying attention in class later.  The discussion we had brought no conclusion, but left some questions in my head.

Am I wrong in teaching my children what they could know?  Am I pushing them too hard??  I have my own brand of thinking.  The discussion with Felix's teacher left me some reason to examine what I had believed was the best for my children again...

Falling ill

I returned home from my almost-daily trip to Singapore General Hospital to send Yen to work and our children to their play-school - The Little Skool House on Tuesday to find Rachel pale and shivering.  You see, she was ill on Monday night, running a temperature.  My mother was beside her, getting her to go under the blanket.

I took over and got her to her room for a rest under covers.  When she got better, I took her into the bathtub for a dip in the water in an attempt to lower her temperature.  It was then that I found her a tad too long for the bath tub - I could hardly fit her in!  (When was the last time she used the bath tub?  When she was three?)  Colour returned to her cheeks and soon, she was her normal, chattering self.

She got better that day but her temperature fluctuated that night and she could not return to school the next day.  As always, she seemed to get better miraculously when I was around and was able to learn some things together with me.  (Perhaps I scare the illness away when I'm by her side?!)

When will our children stop falling ill?  Just before Rachel fell sick, it was Kayleen over the weekend.  She, too, succumbed to fever and could not join her siblings on their ritual Saturday and Sunday extra lessons.

The second night, Yen deemed her fit for school.  Unfortunately, Felix decided to try out what it was like at home with Daddy.  Sigh.  Another couple of days away from my marking at home!  Then again, I took on my current job as a tuition teacher so that I can respond to emergencies like these for the children.  So, no complains.

Felix took on the same pattern - he was well when I was with him at home.  However, his illness wuld take a dive during the night.  He somehow got better in the morning on Friday so that we could go to National Eye Centre for his routine checkup on his eyes.  No problem there.  We even got to the Academy of Rock in Holland Village as I had promised him to try for a second time if he could begin taking drum lessons.

This year has not been a good year for our children in terms of health.  They have contracted the chickenpox earlier and have had their fair share of fevers, coughs and colds.  I just keep my fingers crossed that the dreaded HFMD will not want to knock on our doors again,  Our precious trio have suffered enough this year, at least!

Parenthood - A job that we cannot refuse

Browsing through the many photographs friends had posted on Facebook brought wide smiles on my face.  They all had one thing in common - the photographs in question were taken of their children, with or without my friends in them.  I stumbled on one of this friend who had almost taken his own life earlier due to some personal problems.  How life would have been different for this friend if he had succeeded at taking his own life?  Is he be looking at his child now, thinking how lucky he is to be still alive, watching his child grow?

Everytime I think about our precious children, I thank the Lord that He has given them to us.  I had got married with Yen and decided to assume the role of parents early in our marriage.  We are now blessed with three healthy children.  However, life is not a bed of roses.  We have our share of woes and heartaches with our trio.  They are imperfect.  Far from it, to be exact:

Rachel has yet to understand that as the eldest child in our family, she has responsibilities.  She would whine about aches (real or imaginary?) almost every morning while having breakfast on the way to play-school in the morning and still thinks of herself first in many scenarios.

Felix is still maturing, and his tantrums belie his physical age.  He wants to be the first to enter the lift so that he can take the reins and press the lift buttons inside.  He cries, almost uncontrollably, at every little problem or pain that stands in his way.

Kayleen is still undergoing his terrible-twos (will it ever end??).  This little belle wants everything her way: Her siblings cannot sing-along to songs that she sings to (they 'copy' her), eat things that she wants, and frowns at every tiny thing that is against her wishes.

We are not born to be parents, too.  I am still learning as I go along.  However, unlike other jobs that I have (or have had), this is not one that I can (or will) shirk.  I cannot call it quits.  I cannot call for time out and take leave.  These jewels we have are ours, our responsibility.  We brought them into this world, and we jolly well make sure that we teach them as much as we know and provide the best that we can for.  In fact, I will be extremely glad if they outdo this 'nobody' of a father!

I need not leave behind any legacy in work.  I dare not think about leaving behind millions of dollars to help them sail through life in a world of luxury.  But I know I will try my best to ingrain and instil in them good values so that they will grow up and be good, responsible people they ought to be and live lives where they leave nothing to regret about...  =)

Getting ready for primary schools

"You are lucky," a friend quipped, "you have two schools to choose from for your children!  So which are you intending to send your children to?"

I smiled wryly.  Is it really any good?  Sure, they are almost literally 'a stone's throw away'.  Jurong West Primary School has been standing there before I had moved in and next year will see the opening of registration for a new school, Frontier Primary School, on the other side of my block.  Lucky, you say?

If you think of the convenience - sure.  It will be hassle-free if they were to attend those schools.  But, they are...  the epitome of neighbourhood schools are...  *gasp*  (I 'hear' audible sighs of surprise)  My wife had graduated from one in Bedok, and many other friends had.  They maintain that there is nothing wrong with sending their children to one, while casting looks of disapproval on me.

I had studied in Nan Hua Primary School.  A 'SAP' school, branded one?  When I was a student there, that was hardly the case.  I got a place there based on that being my mother's alma mater, and because it was just down the street when I resided in Clementi Avenue 1, near the home of its old building in the said street.  Though I am not in a position to claim that the school produces excellent students for certain, I dare say that it would give my children a 'better chance' to succeed in life later.

You see - good teachers, though not necessarily all going to good schools, are wanted by all schools.  They could be proud that they are teaching in a school with relative prestige.  Schools on that level can easily 'get rid' of poor performers, those that do not match their school's desired outcomes.  Though I cannot vouch that all teachers in the said school are great, I can safely say that most of them should be able to produce some 'baseline' results.

Coming from the education line and being an ex-teacher in a primary school, I have witnessed how children from neighbourhood schools 'lose out', due to their parents trying their best to provide for their families.  This, inevitably compromises time with their children, bringing about many 'latch-key' children.  Children without proper guidance of a significant other.

This does not mean to say that all children who have parents who work at home / are housewifes excel in the academic area.  Some are just there to ensure that their children do not go awry in terms of behaviour.  Some can hardly 'value-add' in the area of the children's school work.  Their children may be 'milder' in terms of behaviour, but it does not guarantee excellence in studies.

Sending my trio to a school that teaches, without distractions of classmates' family problems and their errant behaviour, is just the first step in hope for bright futures for my jewels.  We have to continue to assist them in their work and emotional well-being for them to get closer to the 'complete picture' and an ideal life later.

Paint away!

It is behind the back of my mind to immerse our children in a myriad of activities within our means.  Give them as many opportunities to learn and find out where their strengths lie and their hobbies are.  Give them experiences that they will not look back later as grown-ups to ponder why they have not been given chances.

Yen had bought some painting pieces (B5-sized) for children to paint with.  Sunday, 8.30pm.  Looking at the clock, she lamented that it would have to wait another day as it was late and near bed time for our trio.  I thought for a while and asked, "But the children have such packed schedules already...  If we do not let them do it (paint) now, when are we going to let them do it?"  She probably saw some sense in my words and conceded.

So started the children's excitement.  From the unwrapping of the boxes...  the emergence of the pictures...  the sight of the paints and the holding of brushes...  I swear I saw the glimmer in their eyes that this was going to be a fun thing for them to do.

I guided Felix and Rachel (being older, I had actually gave her instructions verbally and let her discover things herself), whilst Yen gave full attention to our youngest jewel, Kayleen.  I started off being uptight about Felix not holding the paint brush correctly, not using the correct strokes when painting, creating blotches while he painted and leaving big patches of dried, uneven paint on the picture...

"Kayleen, no!" screeched Yen beside us.  It was then that I thought, "Why are we so uptight, seeking perfection in their work?  Perhaps I should let them try and have fun, learning through experiences!"  That was when I let Felix have more fun in painting, choosing only to touch up the painting in between the switches of paint for him.

Yen, on the other hand, did things her way.  She let Kayleen hold the brush and paint the bigger pieces while taking over and completing the work for the fine patches.  Rachel ended up being very frustrated with her work when she painted out of line and used a piece of tissue to 'erase' the errors.  She found out that her actions had not helped her clean things up, and almost ended up teary-eyed when she was the last to complete her painting.  She is quite a perfectionist when it came to some things!

Our children were quite glad with their work in the end and insisted on bringing their masterpieces along to play-school the following day to show their teachers.  It spurred Yen to purchase a new set of work for them, this time, pieces of a bigger dimension so that they can handle the painting of the pictures better.  Now when is the next best time for them to paint?

A struggle we have in life

"Daddy, are you going home with us?"  Felix inquired innnocently.

"No, Felix, Daddy needs to work tonight," I replied, surprised at his question.  Why did he ask?  I did not have to wait long for an answer.

"Huh...  but you haven't been spending time with us..."  the visibly disappointed boy curled up in the backseat of our family vehicle, and pouted.

I stopped to think.  Was what he said true?  Sure, I am actually at work three out of the five weekday nights.  Add on the private tuition student I have, that meant another night away on one of my two free days.  Yen has consistently helped remind me of my absence from home at night when I get requests for new assignments.

Reality check.  I left MOE a little more than a year ago so that I could spend more time with my family.  I had wanted to be a bigger part of my children's lives, to play a better role of father than I had been playing.  One year on - has things changed?  Sure, I have more time on my hands and I manage my time more flexibly.  The dough that I bring home is equal, if not more, than what I draw as a civil servant with the MOE for most months.  I lose out on the perks, including the thirteenth month bonus and medical benefits, I had used to enjoy as a teacher in school.  But I wonder - is that time spent with my family fruitfully??

On weekdays when I am not teaching in school (as I had done previously), our children are 'parked' in play-school so that we can get other things done.  I mark my students' work and get miscellaneous chores done.  I leave home to fetch them at four-thirty or so, hopefully picking Yen up together and going home.  Most times, I scoot off to work after dropping them at home.  By the time I reach home, they are in bed mostly, getting ready to bed.  I will be the one to hush them and soothe them into dreamland.

On weekend days, I work from 9am to 1-plus in the afternoon.  On Saturdays, I rush home so put them into their afternoon nap, and send them to swimming class with Yen in the late afternoon.  We will have a simple dinner together most Saturday nights.  On Sundays, I meet Yen and our children for lunch and see the elder two into phonics class.  We will proceed home for their nap and end the day with simple dinners usually, all tired out by how fast the weeks pass us by.

I find pockets of time I can to play simple games with our prince and princesses.  I take them on outtings on days that they do not have to attend school or extra programmes.  I try to capture as many memories of them while they grow up on film (more like jpeg these days).  I read with them whenever I can find time.  I spend my whole November (when I do not have lessons) with them.  I know I have not done enough, but it is much better than previously when I was 'in the system'.  I have given whatever spare time I can to my precious wife and children.  I long to do better; what choice do we have when we struggle against the day-to-day events and the high cost of living we have here?  Sigh.