A Christmas for my children to remember

It all started when I casually checked with Rachel, "Do you want to perform in front of Daddy's friends during our Christmas party?"

Without hesitation, Rachel responded with an enthusiastic 'Yes!'.  It was a couple of months ago and I had helped by asking her violin teacher, Ms Koh, to let her practise a few songs so that she would be ready for Christmas Day.  I was hoping that these little performances will help her in terms of building up her confidence and adding up interest in learning the musical instrument.

As Felix and Kayleen did not have such 'talents', I had not considered them to be a part of the day's programme.  Preparation to make the events possible for Christmas Day commenced.  Yen and I set up the tree, and we got our darlings to decorate it.  While Rachel continued with her weekly lessons under Ms Koh's patient guidance, I invited my closest friends, thought about food and presents.  Yen joined me in the preparation whenever she could, but she was busy with work and was sometimes too tired to get things done.

About two weeks before Christmas, it took another nonchalant occasion to land Felix on board the performance bandwagon.  We did not have a lot of time to prepare an item, but since he had learnt how to recite 'Tang' dynasty poems in play-school, I seized the opportunity to get him to recite four short ones.  Seeing how enthusiastic they were to perform really brought a smile on my face.  It would be invaluable experience for them, I thought.

So the Christmas tree was put up, presents were secretly bought and wrapped, invites and reminders were sent via SMS a few times, food was forcibly bought (I bought food without Yen's agreeing to it - well, I had to kick-start the process lest we had no food for the dinner!)...

Finally, the big day came.  My a little more than a handful of best friends turned up with their partners and, some who had children, brought their young tots, streaming in a few at a time.  My brother, Eddie, and his wife, my mother, mother-in-law and brother-in-law, Jason, bolstered the number of people present.  We soon had an impressive number of people and partook in food while catching up on each others' lives.  Our children played with their new friends, Rayanne and Emma - daughters of my good friends.

After our last guests had arrived and settled, time of reckoning finally came.  Felix began with his recital of poems and his boyish charms brought smiles to our faces.  Nevermind about his inaccurate pronunciation in Mandarin!

Rachel started her medley of five short songs with a little stutter - she got a note wrong for the first song and was stuck momentarily.  However, egged on by Yen and claps from my friends, she restarted her performance and managed an impressive show until the end!

I had thought that that was the end of the performances until someone called for Kayleen to perform too.  Kayleen stood up and went to the front with a reluctant look, but much to our surprise, started moving her body while humming a tune!  She danced to the routine she had put up during her play-school's year-end performance!  It was impromptu and I guessed everyone was adequately entertained to have minded!

The children played somemore until our guests took their leave, a group at a time.  By the time the event ended, it was past their bedtime and they were tired out.  I was glad that my friends had arrived to met up, were supportive to form the crowd in the continual education of our precious gems, and our tots had a chance to make new friends and gained new experiences.

Snippet of Felix's recital and Rachel's full violin performance

A visit to the Post Office - Rachel's class

This took place a few weeks ago.  I frequently volunteer my services to our children's school-house, helping in anyway I can.  As photography is a hobby of mine, I have asked and gone to take photographs for the children at events the school-house runs.  That day was the rehearsal of Rachel's violin perfomance, but we did not want her to miss out her Kindergarten year one's field trip to a post office.  So I went along to whisk her off straight after the visit, not after taking pictures for the class.

I reached the place and waited for the children to arrive with their class' three teachers.  Along the way to the post office, the children were told to observe the community workers and shops.  This was to allow them to better understand how everyone played a part in life.

Reaching the post office, the children were split into two groups to visit the psot office due to space constraint.  The things they did were the same - they were asked to observe what they found in the post office and asked leading questions about them; bought stamps for their own letters they had prepared earlier in school; posted the letters by slotting the envelope into the mailbox.

Parents were sent an email by the teacher later to inform us about the letter and encouraged to reply to their children, posting the letter to the school-house.  Rachel's letter took quite a while to reach us!  This was how the decorated envelope and letter looked like:

This simple activity made me think again - about how we go about the simple activities in life without explaining the mechanics to our little ones!  Do we expect that they be told of how things work by the teachers?  Perhaps it was by book or film?  Or perhaps they will be somehow enlightened when they grow up?  Ha!

I had better stop taking the many things in life for granted and start to take them on more outings to see the world soon!

Poem for Felix - A Good Boy

A GOOD BOY

You enjoy spelling games with Daddy
It comes to you rather easily
You go, "E-A-S-T, east; W-E-S-T, west!"
You bowl us over with your trademark grin so cheeky

You keep the toys in the room alone when told
No complaints, no questions raised
Even though you had not been part of the play
Very proudly, you complete every task

You often surprise us pleasantly
With your excellent memory and tenacity
Usually trying very hard to please
Things have to fall in place - the way you want them to be

"You're a good boy today," Mummy praised
At this, you beam, and peering with bright innocent eyes
You quip, "No, I'm not just a good boy today,
I was a good boy yesterday, and the day before too!"

Ryan, 13 Dec 11

Dance, baby, dance!

Clap!  Clap!

Thunderous applause filled the theatre as Rachel took a bow with her fellow dancers.

No, it is not a dream.  Our girl was on stage, involved in a choreographed performance of a dance troupe for the first time.

It has been a year since she joined DancePointe and learnt baby steps to ballet.  Every Sunday, Yen would bring Rachel for ballet classes without fail, with Felix attending an Art class and Kayleen in tow.

It is the dance school’s practice to hold annual concerts / performances for all their levels at the end of the year.  It is a good idea as it gives young children a chance to perform in front of an audience, to showcase what they have learnt to eager parents.

The journey to get Rachel on stage this day has been tedious.  Not just for our elder girl, but for us - adults - too!  Nearing her performance in end November, we were asked to bring her for extra forty-five minute extra sessions on Saturday mornings with the rest of her classmates.  With myself already out of the equation (I work on weekend-day mornings most of the year), the task of bringing Rachel to lessons in Taman Jurong Community Centre fell on the shoulders of my lovely wife, or my mother when Yen is working.  Felix and Kayleen would tag along.

Now that I have no lessons in the month of November, I finally had a taste of how it felt like to actually bring Rachel for her sessions on both Saturdays and Sundays.  It was a little tiring!  Yen had to give up lazing in bed on Sunday mornings – it was not fun!  This somehow also meant that during these days / times that the children had extra programmes, plus that we could not go out as a family too.  Sigh; all for the children, I say!

We came to this final week of her full-dress rehearsal and actual day of performance at Cultural Centre at Republic Polytechnic.  I had to take Rachel to meet up with her ballet teachers alone as these happened on weekdays – I am still on my month-long break.  This gave me opportunity to be with Rachel alone, to converse with her.  Worried about her physical and emotional well-being, I spoke her about the steps of how to get some things done (*gasp*) alone, without a parent or teacher to give her almost a hundred per cent of attention most of the time.

She responded well, but I just could not help but feel apprehensive when I stood in line with her to wait for her board the bus for rehearsal.  Watching her stand in line from behind, the five-year-old whom I saw seemed to have really matured.  She seemed to know what was required of her, and sailed through the day without any problem (I would find out later).

I worried for her constantly throughout the day of her rehearsal.  We waited her return at Taman Jurong CC at 10.30pm.  Quite late for girls her age, I felt.  But their return was delayed and she did not appear until 11pm.  She was very quiet when she saw Yen and me, and that got me worried as she was not her usual bubbly self.  It was only later in the car that she started speaking to us, and when we reached home later, I finally set my mind at ease.

On the actual day of her performance, I sent her off to meet up with her teachers and left her soon.  Although the previous day had somewhat testified that she could manage on her own, I still could not put my heart to rest…

It was only until midway into Rachel’s performance that I saw her again.  She danced in the second of three acts, only for less than three minutes.  Hmmpf!  How true the loosely translated old Chinese adage: “Ten years’ preparation work for three minutes’ work on the stage”!  All that extra practice sessions attended – bore fruit to that few moments on stage for our little angel!  Still, she did not, at any time, look out of sorts during the dance she had and put in the same sort of energetic moves we had seen from her whenever she performed for audiences!  I was very proud of her that night!

The night ended late for her.  She was happy when we saw her during dismissal at the foyer, and though it was late, Rachel was still in high spirits.  We were encouraged by her performance and look forward to the next one she agreed to do – a violin recital in front of a small group of Daddy’s friends during Christmas!

"How much longer will it be"

Woke up to Felix's and Kayleen's cries in the wee hours of the morning.  Yen was already beside them when I went into their room but to no avail.  I took over to give her a rest since she needed to work today.  Both children were visibly tired and still sleepy.  Felix was easier to put back to sleep while Kayleen drifted in and out of sleep for some time still.

Kayleen continued to hug my right thigh (it was closer to her).  That seemed to help as she slowly fell asleep.  I continued to pat her while trying to remove my leg from her grasp but that proved fruitless - it caused her to stir a few times, only to return to grip my thigh tighter the next time.  While soothing Kayleen into dreamland, I suddenly had the strong urge to write a poem; to try put some events onto paper.  Finally did so this morning when I had some time alone.  So here it goes:

HOW MUCH LONGER WILL IT BE?

How much longer will it be
That you call for no one else but me?
In the deep of the night you weep
With tears streaming down your cheeks

How much longer will it be
That you cling on to my legs tightly?
When I try to turn and leave
Your arms hold me, so instinctively

How much longer will it be
You jump up and down excitedly?
"That's my Daddy!" you announce with glee
To all your friends oh so proudly

How much longer will it be
That you listen attentively?
To my reasoning and teaching
Especially so to fun stories

Deep down, I know, it won't be long
A matter of time you're on your own
But this voice from me you'll hear strong
That "Daddy is here, no matter how long"

Ryan, 29 Nov 11

Disciplining children

Parents take on roles of an 'angel' and a 'devil' when it comes to disciplining their children.  Fathers, almost always, take on the latter.  Perhaps it is stereo-typing; perhaps it is so as we are the 'stronger' of the two; perhaps mothers are just too loving and cannot to admonish or punish them.

It is no different when it comes to our family.  I am the disciplinarian to our children.  Their father is the one that gives them the 'look' that they have done something disapproving.  An advocate to the old adage 'Spare the rod and spoil the child', I harden my heart when I need to give them a spanking.

Spanking came a little quicker in the past.  When I was still working in a school, I had little rest; no thanks to my waking up at unearthly hours to mark my students' work.  That meant that I woke up at three and felt tired as early as seven or eight at night, almost straight after dinner.  When my own precious trio threw tantrums, I would get so frustrated when I tended to them and my hand shot out almost instinctively in a bid to resolve things.  I knew, deep down, that it was not right and definitely unfair to them.  That was one of the contributing factors to my leaving my job then.  But that is another story.

I have read and enlightened that scolding or hitting should not happen in anger.  That could just mean that children suffer a beating without knowing why they were subject to such treatment, or worse, that the person who dealt the beating might have been so angry that the hitting would be harder than intended, leading to an unfortunate injury.

Rather, we should decided what actions by our tots deserve such a punishment.  We should also always explain to our children where they had done wrong and what options could have been taken.  Hitting does not mean hurting the child bad.  It could be a hard enough spank on the palm.  Sure, my children cry after they had received spanks on their palms - not because it hurt them bad physically, but also because they understand that they have erred and it struck them in the heart.

So the next time should you decide to hit your children, count to ten and think if you might do something that you might regret later...

What can I do with my children?

I have always believed in spending time with our children meaningfully.  That is one of the chief reasons why I had left my previous job.  What can we, as parents, do with them then?  Tons of things!  Though our energy levels are dipping with the gradual scaling of our ages, we can pick things that require us less energy to do with our little tots.

One of those that I tried over the past few days was drawing.  Now, I am not much of an artist myself, to begin with.  But we can have fun drawing, I thought.  Our children (especially Rachel) had been drawing in play-school.  Our elder girl has been expressing herself rather well with pictures but our boy seemed to be having some trouble with pictures.

I had picked up this book on 'Cartoon drawing for kids' earlier and bought it for spending time together with our jewels.  That night, I took out a drawing block and got the elder two to sit with me.  Kayleen, unfortunately, is a little too young for such an activity and this will have to be redone with her later.

I told Rachel and Felix that we were learning how to draw.  I showed them how to imitate drawings we selected from the book and talked them through, step-by-step, to getting the drawings done.  The first one was of a hippopotamus.


Rachel is taking an example of the book's and my drawing



The duo enjoyed the whole process and we moved on to two other pictures - one of a man and another of a lion.  At the end of it, they were told how nicely they have done and how cute the pictures were.  They, too, were happy with their drawings.  Rachel said that she remembered how to draw the 'hippo' and would bring this new found knowledge to play-school the next day.  We totally enjoyed this short activity we had together.


Daddy's impression of the old man




Felix points to his impression of the same picture



Rachel's drawing of a hippopotamus and Felix's lion

Their drawings might have been much improvised from the ones in the book, but we spent time together and I gave them an idea of how drawings can go.  In my eyes, their little pictures are the most adorable ones my children had proudly produced that night.

Stickers, stickers, everywhere!

Have parents of young children fumed over having stickers pasted all over the place?  Most children love colourful stickers of their favourite cartoon characters.  Like bees to honey, children of the early ages get attracted to stickers so much that they would not want to let go of these tiny pieces of paper.

Like most parents, I do not want stickers of Pokemon or Mickey Mouse intrude my nicely furnished home.  They can stay in the television sets just fine.  I refrain from giving my children stickers.  I learnt previously from a colleague that we cannot blame children from misusing the gifts we have given them.  I mean - how can you punish a child for colouring the textbooks with nice new markers, a Children's Day gift from their beloved teacher?

I know swords never stay in their shelths forever.  My trio will be exposed to the wonder of stickers being pasted to things sooner or later.  By then, stickers will climb up my walls and furniture, and stake a place in the house until I forcefully remove them.

I always believe education is the key to good behaviour.  That is why I had inculcated in my children "Stickers belong to books, not on the walls, nor furniture".  My elder two seemed to have learnt well and I was quite glad this had worked.  Recently, however, I discovered that I have underestimated Kayleen's innocence before...

"Argh!  Why is Stitch here," I enquired in dismay, "and these stars?"

"Kayleen put it there," offered Rachel.

Kayleen gawked at me with big, round eyes.  How could I punish her then?  She probably had not understood my words!  I had to find a solution before it was too late.  Rather than stopping their action, their avenue of expressing themselves and perhaps, unleashing their creativity, why don't I let them do so in an appropriate place?

I got them a nice note book/pad.  "You may use this as your sticker book," I instructed our trio.  Without waiting, they took over the book and started sticking the stickers on its pages.

They were happy that night, crowding around the book sticking stickers.

Give the children an avenue to express themselves.  Educate them the rights and the wrongs.  Stopping them doing what they like to do may work momentarily, but may not help them understand why they should not do so, and how they can get certain things done.

Is this the best for them?

I think I thoroughly understand parents of my students now, when they receive telephone calls from their child's school.  Nine times out of ten, their child would have erred in some way.  The remaining time would be a toss up between the child falling ill or injuring him or herself.  I cannot 'escape' from my children's teachers when I fetch them from play-school almost daily and had an interesting discussion with Felix's teacher recently...

"Felix is getting my reassurance for almost every single detail in his work in Art.  I don't expect that of him," she began.  Felix's teacher explained that Felix is considered 'ahead' of children in his class in his learning and one of the few who could be left alone in his work after the initial instructions are given.  The teacher can then concentrate on his classmates who do not comprehend her or are unable to accomplish their work as they need help in reading or writing.  This is the second time that she had let me in, that Felix had been running to her to ask the simpliest of questions (e.g. "Can I draw a cat?", "Which colour should I use?", etc.) and staring blankly after getting back to his seat.

The first time we spoke about this a couple of months ago, she had felt that the Art enrichment lesson Felix is attending on Sunday, whereby he does only painting with a teacher's instruction and much help in touching up, is not beneficial in his creativity and cognition.  I had felt that way earlier but had allowed him to carry on with Yen's reasoning, that the lesson kept Felix occupied while Rachel is having ballet.  Moreover, Felix enjoys the lessons too.

Following my initial conversation with Felix's teacher, the Art lesson taught Felix more things apart from painting - they involved him in making imprints of things of different textures too.  At that time, Yen told me that she had just paid up a few month's fees upfront and I left it at that.

Another conspiracy theory would be that Felix was trying to get the teacher's attention.  He might have noticed how his classmates had got teachers' attention when they did not know how things were done, and he clamoured for attention too.  Or perhaps he was 'pushing his luck' to see how much he could get away with.

I had reflected to Felix's teacher that he was not displaying that kind of behaviour at home.  I was waiting for her to give me some suggestions at what she felt I could try out.  But perhaps I was too hopeful.  She went on during that discussion, stating that Felix was top in his class for reading (my teaching and the phonics lesson he attends had helped) and word recognition.  However, when his classmates go to him to ask him if he knew how to spell a word that he had spelt correctly in front of the class for the teacher previously, Felix would shy away and say that he forgot.  The teacher was not sure if he was trying his best, or was he being pressurised not to be 'smarty-pants' in front of his friends, to avoid being shunned by them?

You see, Felix is good at reading and remembering words in the English language.  When I teach Rachel and Felix together, Felix is almost always the quicker one to get the spelling of words, and he would remember them better.  Rachel, on the other hand, is much stronger in numbers.  Felix has developed this keen interest in reading, although I am not very sure he comprehends what he reads.

Felix's teacher continued to say that not all parents of the children in her class spend as much time teaching early reading to their own children.  Tired from the day's work, parents were probably leaving this job to the children's teachers.  She also explained that my children could feel that they knew all that their teacher was teaching in play-school, resulting in them not paying attention in class later.  The discussion we had brought no conclusion, but left some questions in my head.

Am I wrong in teaching my children what they could know?  Am I pushing them too hard??  I have my own brand of thinking.  The discussion with Felix's teacher left me some reason to examine what I had believed was the best for my children again...

Falling ill

I returned home from my almost-daily trip to Singapore General Hospital to send Yen to work and our children to their play-school - The Little Skool House on Tuesday to find Rachel pale and shivering.  You see, she was ill on Monday night, running a temperature.  My mother was beside her, getting her to go under the blanket.

I took over and got her to her room for a rest under covers.  When she got better, I took her into the bathtub for a dip in the water in an attempt to lower her temperature.  It was then that I found her a tad too long for the bath tub - I could hardly fit her in!  (When was the last time she used the bath tub?  When she was three?)  Colour returned to her cheeks and soon, she was her normal, chattering self.

She got better that day but her temperature fluctuated that night and she could not return to school the next day.  As always, she seemed to get better miraculously when I was around and was able to learn some things together with me.  (Perhaps I scare the illness away when I'm by her side?!)

When will our children stop falling ill?  Just before Rachel fell sick, it was Kayleen over the weekend.  She, too, succumbed to fever and could not join her siblings on their ritual Saturday and Sunday extra lessons.

The second night, Yen deemed her fit for school.  Unfortunately, Felix decided to try out what it was like at home with Daddy.  Sigh.  Another couple of days away from my marking at home!  Then again, I took on my current job as a tuition teacher so that I can respond to emergencies like these for the children.  So, no complains.

Felix took on the same pattern - he was well when I was with him at home.  However, his illness wuld take a dive during the night.  He somehow got better in the morning on Friday so that we could go to National Eye Centre for his routine checkup on his eyes.  No problem there.  We even got to the Academy of Rock in Holland Village as I had promised him to try for a second time if he could begin taking drum lessons.

This year has not been a good year for our children in terms of health.  They have contracted the chickenpox earlier and have had their fair share of fevers, coughs and colds.  I just keep my fingers crossed that the dreaded HFMD will not want to knock on our doors again,  Our precious trio have suffered enough this year, at least!

Parenthood - A job that we cannot refuse

Browsing through the many photographs friends had posted on Facebook brought wide smiles on my face.  They all had one thing in common - the photographs in question were taken of their children, with or without my friends in them.  I stumbled on one of this friend who had almost taken his own life earlier due to some personal problems.  How life would have been different for this friend if he had succeeded at taking his own life?  Is he be looking at his child now, thinking how lucky he is to be still alive, watching his child grow?

Everytime I think about our precious children, I thank the Lord that He has given them to us.  I had got married with Yen and decided to assume the role of parents early in our marriage.  We are now blessed with three healthy children.  However, life is not a bed of roses.  We have our share of woes and heartaches with our trio.  They are imperfect.  Far from it, to be exact:

Rachel has yet to understand that as the eldest child in our family, she has responsibilities.  She would whine about aches (real or imaginary?) almost every morning while having breakfast on the way to play-school in the morning and still thinks of herself first in many scenarios.

Felix is still maturing, and his tantrums belie his physical age.  He wants to be the first to enter the lift so that he can take the reins and press the lift buttons inside.  He cries, almost uncontrollably, at every little problem or pain that stands in his way.

Kayleen is still undergoing his terrible-twos (will it ever end??).  This little belle wants everything her way: Her siblings cannot sing-along to songs that she sings to (they 'copy' her), eat things that she wants, and frowns at every tiny thing that is against her wishes.

We are not born to be parents, too.  I am still learning as I go along.  However, unlike other jobs that I have (or have had), this is not one that I can (or will) shirk.  I cannot call it quits.  I cannot call for time out and take leave.  These jewels we have are ours, our responsibility.  We brought them into this world, and we jolly well make sure that we teach them as much as we know and provide the best that we can for.  In fact, I will be extremely glad if they outdo this 'nobody' of a father!

I need not leave behind any legacy in work.  I dare not think about leaving behind millions of dollars to help them sail through life in a world of luxury.  But I know I will try my best to ingrain and instil in them good values so that they will grow up and be good, responsible people they ought to be and live lives where they leave nothing to regret about...  =)

Getting ready for primary schools

"You are lucky," a friend quipped, "you have two schools to choose from for your children!  So which are you intending to send your children to?"

I smiled wryly.  Is it really any good?  Sure, they are almost literally 'a stone's throw away'.  Jurong West Primary School has been standing there before I had moved in and next year will see the opening of registration for a new school, Frontier Primary School, on the other side of my block.  Lucky, you say?

If you think of the convenience - sure.  It will be hassle-free if they were to attend those schools.  But, they are...  the epitome of neighbourhood schools are...  *gasp*  (I 'hear' audible sighs of surprise)  My wife had graduated from one in Bedok, and many other friends had.  They maintain that there is nothing wrong with sending their children to one, while casting looks of disapproval on me.

I had studied in Nan Hua Primary School.  A 'SAP' school, branded one?  When I was a student there, that was hardly the case.  I got a place there based on that being my mother's alma mater, and because it was just down the street when I resided in Clementi Avenue 1, near the home of its old building in the said street.  Though I am not in a position to claim that the school produces excellent students for certain, I dare say that it would give my children a 'better chance' to succeed in life later.

You see - good teachers, though not necessarily all going to good schools, are wanted by all schools.  They could be proud that they are teaching in a school with relative prestige.  Schools on that level can easily 'get rid' of poor performers, those that do not match their school's desired outcomes.  Though I cannot vouch that all teachers in the said school are great, I can safely say that most of them should be able to produce some 'baseline' results.

Coming from the education line and being an ex-teacher in a primary school, I have witnessed how children from neighbourhood schools 'lose out', due to their parents trying their best to provide for their families.  This, inevitably compromises time with their children, bringing about many 'latch-key' children.  Children without proper guidance of a significant other.

This does not mean to say that all children who have parents who work at home / are housewifes excel in the academic area.  Some are just there to ensure that their children do not go awry in terms of behaviour.  Some can hardly 'value-add' in the area of the children's school work.  Their children may be 'milder' in terms of behaviour, but it does not guarantee excellence in studies.

Sending my trio to a school that teaches, without distractions of classmates' family problems and their errant behaviour, is just the first step in hope for bright futures for my jewels.  We have to continue to assist them in their work and emotional well-being for them to get closer to the 'complete picture' and an ideal life later.

Paint away!

It is behind the back of my mind to immerse our children in a myriad of activities within our means.  Give them as many opportunities to learn and find out where their strengths lie and their hobbies are.  Give them experiences that they will not look back later as grown-ups to ponder why they have not been given chances.

Yen had bought some painting pieces (B5-sized) for children to paint with.  Sunday, 8.30pm.  Looking at the clock, she lamented that it would have to wait another day as it was late and near bed time for our trio.  I thought for a while and asked, "But the children have such packed schedules already...  If we do not let them do it (paint) now, when are we going to let them do it?"  She probably saw some sense in my words and conceded.

So started the children's excitement.  From the unwrapping of the boxes...  the emergence of the pictures...  the sight of the paints and the holding of brushes...  I swear I saw the glimmer in their eyes that this was going to be a fun thing for them to do.

I guided Felix and Rachel (being older, I had actually gave her instructions verbally and let her discover things herself), whilst Yen gave full attention to our youngest jewel, Kayleen.  I started off being uptight about Felix not holding the paint brush correctly, not using the correct strokes when painting, creating blotches while he painted and leaving big patches of dried, uneven paint on the picture...

"Kayleen, no!" screeched Yen beside us.  It was then that I thought, "Why are we so uptight, seeking perfection in their work?  Perhaps I should let them try and have fun, learning through experiences!"  That was when I let Felix have more fun in painting, choosing only to touch up the painting in between the switches of paint for him.

Yen, on the other hand, did things her way.  She let Kayleen hold the brush and paint the bigger pieces while taking over and completing the work for the fine patches.  Rachel ended up being very frustrated with her work when she painted out of line and used a piece of tissue to 'erase' the errors.  She found out that her actions had not helped her clean things up, and almost ended up teary-eyed when she was the last to complete her painting.  She is quite a perfectionist when it came to some things!

Our children were quite glad with their work in the end and insisted on bringing their masterpieces along to play-school the following day to show their teachers.  It spurred Yen to purchase a new set of work for them, this time, pieces of a bigger dimension so that they can handle the painting of the pictures better.  Now when is the next best time for them to paint?

A struggle we have in life

"Daddy, are you going home with us?"  Felix inquired innnocently.

"No, Felix, Daddy needs to work tonight," I replied, surprised at his question.  Why did he ask?  I did not have to wait long for an answer.

"Huh...  but you haven't been spending time with us..."  the visibly disappointed boy curled up in the backseat of our family vehicle, and pouted.

I stopped to think.  Was what he said true?  Sure, I am actually at work three out of the five weekday nights.  Add on the private tuition student I have, that meant another night away on one of my two free days.  Yen has consistently helped remind me of my absence from home at night when I get requests for new assignments.

Reality check.  I left MOE a little more than a year ago so that I could spend more time with my family.  I had wanted to be a bigger part of my children's lives, to play a better role of father than I had been playing.  One year on - has things changed?  Sure, I have more time on my hands and I manage my time more flexibly.  The dough that I bring home is equal, if not more, than what I draw as a civil servant with the MOE for most months.  I lose out on the perks, including the thirteenth month bonus and medical benefits, I had used to enjoy as a teacher in school.  But I wonder - is that time spent with my family fruitfully??

On weekdays when I am not teaching in school (as I had done previously), our children are 'parked' in play-school so that we can get other things done.  I mark my students' work and get miscellaneous chores done.  I leave home to fetch them at four-thirty or so, hopefully picking Yen up together and going home.  Most times, I scoot off to work after dropping them at home.  By the time I reach home, they are in bed mostly, getting ready to bed.  I will be the one to hush them and soothe them into dreamland.

On weekend days, I work from 9am to 1-plus in the afternoon.  On Saturdays, I rush home so put them into their afternoon nap, and send them to swimming class with Yen in the late afternoon.  We will have a simple dinner together most Saturday nights.  On Sundays, I meet Yen and our children for lunch and see the elder two into phonics class.  We will proceed home for their nap and end the day with simple dinners usually, all tired out by how fast the weeks pass us by.

I find pockets of time I can to play simple games with our prince and princesses.  I take them on outtings on days that they do not have to attend school or extra programmes.  I try to capture as many memories of them while they grow up on film (more like jpeg these days).  I read with them whenever I can find time.  I spend my whole November (when I do not have lessons) with them.  I know I have not done enough, but it is much better than previously when I was 'in the system'.  I have given whatever spare time I can to my precious wife and children.  I long to do better; what choice do we have when we struggle against the day-to-day events and the high cost of living we have here?  Sigh.

Silly me - check the tyres!

My boy, Felix, has weak legs!  He can hardly get the bicycle moving!  Or so I thought...

I brought Rachel and Felix downstaris just the other day as Kayleen was still asleep.  The bicycle with training wheels that sat in a corner in their bedroom had gathered a few inches of dust and I thought it might be good for them to get moving once in a while too.

As we only bought one bicycle, the children had to take turns.  Rachel seemed to find it hard to cycle initially, but she got going gradually.  I attributed it to her being 'rusty' as she had not been cycling for sometime and was not used to it.  When Felix had his turn, I found him not being able to move the bicycle.  "Weak legs," I had thought, due to his being a year younger.  Throughout the near hour-long session in which the duo took turns on the bicycle, we had to push Felix or he would hardly be moving on it.

A couple of days later, something struck me.  I remembered how my brother, Eddie, found it difficult to turn the wheels of my car and he concluded after a week that the tyres were not fully pumped.  He was right.  Could the tyres to our children's tyres have suffered the same fate?  I checked when I returned home later and confirmed my suspicions.  Silly me!  The tyres were almost totally flat!  How could the children have been able to cycle on the bicycle?

That night, Yen and I took them down again.  They cycled with ease!  Ha.  A new experience for me - check on the tyres before cycling!

Family's first overseas trip

I have always wanted to give our three precious gems more experiences.  Learning through personal experiences, they say.  The problem is 'Vitamin M'.  It costs an arm and a leg of us to fly somewhere, I reckon.  That has kept me from opening my mouth to suggest going on a trip.  Sigh...

Somehow, a stroke of luck has seen that we could finally fulfil my wish of taking the children on a trip!  We planned a little and decided that for the children, we shall go to a country with a Disneyland.  America's too far, Japan's too expensive, Europe's both...  that left us to Hong Kong.  So it was decided.  Here we come!

It was during the trip that I understood what my friends / acquiantances have always meant when they say 'bonding takes place on the trip'.  To me, that could always happen in Singapore if we do spare time for our children.  But I saw what they meant while I was there on the first night: there were no distractions (switched off my mobile, no Internet connection too), no one else that I knew there (except them!), no need to drive them and worry about road conditions...  I was completely involved in planning for their having fun and making sure they stay safe in the meantime.  Nothing else was there to take my attention from them!

I learnt more about our three jewels, starting from the plane ride from Changi.  They were naturally excited as it was their first ever plane ride though they had to be woken in the wee hours of the morning.

We visited Disneyland on the first day after arriving the resort a little after lunchtime.  Checked into the hotel after viewing fireworks.  Children were dead beat and slept soundly.  Think Disneyland is not too big and our children were not very enthusiastic about returning on the second day.  So we ventured out to Kowloon.  Went up the fourth tallest building in the world - Hong Kong's International Commerce Centre (ICC), or simply Sky100.

Spent some time there and went for late lunch.  Some more walking and shopping for Yen.  Transferred to hotel in Kowloon that night.

Went on the guided tour on the third day.  Visited a few places - Repulse Bay, a famous jeweller's, Aberdeen Harbour, took a cable car ride on Ngong Ping 360 to Lantau Island.  Ventured to Temple Street Night Market to do a little shopping.  Kayleen was crying the whole way on the cable car trip to Lantau Island.  I held her in my arms to soothe her.  I don't think she is afraid of heights; she probably just did not like the feeling of being high up.  She was better during the return trip to land on the cable car and even laughed along to her elder siblings when they played.

What's a trip to Hong Kong without visiting Ocean Park?  That was where we went on the last day.  Throughout the trip, Rachel gave us the least problems and dared to try out most rides.  She was the only one who took photographs with every mascot we stopped for pictures.  She posed willingly everytime and was a joy to have around.

It had been time well spent.  Think our children had a lot of fun!  Yen and I did not have to attend to anything but our precious children throughout the trip and we spent, not just quantity but, quality time with the children.  It was tremendous.  I look forward to the next family trip together, money and time permitting...